yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize