I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
