so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
