she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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