Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
