the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
