can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
