I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
