I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
