im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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