So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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