what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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