I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
