this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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