Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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