Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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