remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
