I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
