so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
