My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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