And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize