Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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