I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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