sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
