So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
