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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
