i would punch a child for taco bell
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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