I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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