jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize