Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
