I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have fence marks all over my body
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
