There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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