Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
