quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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