at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
