just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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