:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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