i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
