i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
