No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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