At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
