peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
