there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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