Where are you?
In a non slutty way
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
