Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
