I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
