C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
