Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
