My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
