Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
