omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
