theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just invented taco cereal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
