Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
