Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
love makes seman taste better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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