i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize