I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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