I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
