I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
