And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
