Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The Olympian is in my bed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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