he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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