You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
