Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
