I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
