so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
