You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
