There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
