She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I will be naked everywhere
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
