were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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