I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
