Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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