We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
