People in love make me want to vomit
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
