I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My dick has a subreddit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
