you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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