is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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