My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
