just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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