Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
