they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
