How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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