Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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