how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
