glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
