Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
