This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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