There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
