She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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