Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
