Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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