So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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